Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(555): View more from

My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard

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(802): View more from Vermont

Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.

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(530): View more from California

Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking

(530): View more from California

That could use a little rephrasing

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(+61): View more from Australia

If tits could talk, mine would be bragging

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(925): View more from California

so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him

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