none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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