you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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