Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
should my penis look like a turkey
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
