spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
