Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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