dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
