I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
