nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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