you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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