I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
