ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
