a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
