I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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