Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
