Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
