Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
