my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
