If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
