yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
