Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
