She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
