im drinking this country out of the recession.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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