I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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