I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
