U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
