I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
