:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
