Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
