I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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