I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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