I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
