Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
