see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
