I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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