Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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