By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
