You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
