We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
