Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
