and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
