Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
