im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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