3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
honey bunches of taint.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
