Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
