blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
