I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
