I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
