I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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