it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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