Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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